Sunday, June 23, 2013

Life Changing

When I was little I loved children. I always wanted to work with them.
Ok as I got older I realised the power of them and decided that in fact I didn't want to work with them quite as much as I thought, although I would still like to be a school teacher rather than a nanny.

I always knew I would one day have children.
In my very early 20's, I was living in a community where everyone I knew was getting married and having children. I loved hugging all the little babies and helping to look after the young ones but my choice of life at the time, I was training to be a nurse, didn't fit in with marriage or kids, ok I was also lacking that other half of the equation!!
I did wonder at one stage during my 20's if it was ever going to happen but I think that had more to do with the amount of weddings I attended in a 5 year period more than whether I was actually at a stage to deal with it.

In my 30's my life took that turn. I was in that stable relationship and life was in tune and mid way through I had our 2 sons. Life was right and children were the perfect part of it.
Do I wish I had had them earlier? Sometimes.
I watch some of my friends who have kids older, much older than mine and wonder what life would be like if my boys were older whilst I was younger than I will be when they get to being teenagers? However the pay off of the experiences I have had prior to having the boys is the ying and yang of the story. I have had experiences that some of my friends are only just starting to consider now their children are older. Each to their own I guess.

Now in my 40's life is changing.
My days of having children are over, as much as I would have loved to have had more children, it wasn't a happening thing and I will always be grateful to the 2 beautiful boys I have the privilege of growing.
And next week life will change further as I under go a hysterectomy.
That finally chapter in the birth of children is leaving me. At present if I wanted more children, I don't by the way, actually got passed that feeling a few years ago, I could have them, well I need a complying partner but you know what I mean.
Anyway I am actually at peace with the change about to happen. Luckily Steve and I are both in the know and had discussed things prior to the first appointment so it didn't take us very long at all in the appointment to agree to the plan and set the ball rolling.
I am not looking forward to the first 2 weeks post, the discomfort and tiredness, but I know the full 6 weeks will do me good.
I am however looking forward to the lack of pain that comes from this decision and living a freer life.


Bron said...

Oh all the best with your surgery...tough big decision you have made one I know will be right for you having thought through it...I often wonder too how life would be different if we had the kids much earlier...It is what it is ...for and against I guess..
Take care of your self. xxx

Maria Ontiveros said...

What a wonderful post . . . thank you for sharing your thoughts on your life's journey. It's beautifully written. I hope the surgery goes well.

Alison said...

I had a hysterectomy when I was 38...even at that age we knew we didn't want any more children (in fact Craig had already had a vasectomy) and I had had enough of the pain and being out of commission for one week out of three....I've never looked back, and hopefully you will have a quick recovery and enjoy that freedom you are hoping for
Alison xx