Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Yes, I have insomnia!
Well in fact I have a drug induced insomnia, so as soon as I stop taking the drugs then hopefully the insomnia will go away....!
And seeing how the doctor has agreed to me stopping the steroids (drug of effect) then hopefully the world will be a much better place tomorrow morning at 4am?

Because, even though I had been warned about the possible black dreams and marriage breakers side effect, nothing quite prepared me for the effect at 4am this morning!
As far as I was concerned this morning the whole world could just disappear.
Steve was the root of all evils and the boys were not much better.
I had no time or life and I really just wanted the whole of my life to go away and let me start again.

Now I am currently aware that I have too much on my plate and I am scrapping parts of it away as we speak to get back to something I can manage, but I am not one to actively voice my expressions of help until it is way too late, by which time I then suffer in silence and wonder why no one has picked up on the fact I am not coping?

My other bug bearer this morning in my torid moments was 'when was it my time to be sick?'
If the boys are sick, then I stop everything to look after them.
If Steve gets sick, he gets over being sick and I keep the life trundling along.
When I get sick, I still have to remember the cat has to go to the vet, the boys have swimming and that the toilet really can't be left in that state for another day!
It made me realise that in fact I should have said something yesterday to Steve and let him know that in fact it would have been much better if he had stayed home from work to look after Alex, because looking back I don't think I was in any real fit state to be doing it!

But then hey, where would all the fun be if we didn't have drugs to wack you around the head everynow and then and make you realise that some things need to change?!

Oh and do you know that C4 (music channel in NZ) has a programme running through the night called "Insomnia" how apt!

1 comment:

Kent and Leisy said...

sorry things have been so hectic! that's all what being a mom is all about, huh? all chaos and no breaks! glad you are simplifying :)